I didn’t go to Koh Samui looking for friends—in fact the reason I went to Koh Samui was to get away from my friends. And also my colleagues. And even my family. Not because I don’t love and adore them all, but because I needed two months of solitary confinement to finish my memoir that’s due to Simon & Schuster in June. So I traveled 13,418 kilometers (that’s 8,337 miles for the American readers) away from everything familiar in order to get the writing done. I’ve never been to Thailand before but it’s one of those places that has always been on my list of “somedays”. So with a book advance that’s supposed to be used to buy an author time to write the book—I said goodbye to California and hello to Koh Samui. And let’s face it—if you’re going to be in solitary confinement, you want to do your time somewhere breathtaking.
After about a month of solitary I decided I should at least see more of this beautiful place than just my keyboard. I booked a trip on the Blue Dragon (to learn more about that read the Metzlers excellent blog on that adventure). Now it’s always a bit awkward traveling alone, eating alone, going on a tour alone. Chris and Alexandra boarded the boat last and sat down close to where I was awkwardly perched on a beanbag chair. I immediately thought they must be on their honeymoon. I’ve been a ghostwriter for John Gottman’s books—the world’s leading relationship expert—so I like to think I recognize people truly in love. They had that glow of being in love and plus they gazed and smiled at each other every few seconds. It would be annoying if it weren’t so beautiful to witness. Now I am notorious in my family for aggressively staring at people and eavesdropping on their conversations in public. My husband knows if I am in a restaurant facing a wall rather than the room, I get agitated. Yes, it’s because I’m a writer and observation is what writer’s do when they are writing. Everything and everyone is research. But mostly because I’m curious. And when you are exceedingly curious and also an introvert, you end up staring at people. A lot.
I offered to take a picture of them and their cuteness, and thus broke the ice and became a bit of a third wheel to their non-honeymoon boat adventure. But here’s the thing you need to know about the Metzlers—you can’t see them on a boat, or in a restaurant, or at the market and not talk to them. They have a glow that makes people want to be around them. Not in an Instagram influencer kind of way, but because the glow around them is the glow of goodness. And when you come across goodness, especially in today’s world, you want to bask in it or at least be around it a little.
So we bonded over whales and kayaks and island rock formations and water so blue and magical it looks like a prayer. And after all the day’s adventures were over, and nothing but a two-hour boat ride home ahead of us, we got to know each other. And Alexandra and I shared a laugh. Not any laugh, one of those laughs you have with a best friend where the sound of each other’s laughter makes you laugh even harder and you try to stop and you can’t and you have that shared understanding that is really a shared humanity. And it is that moment that bonded us. Laughter is my favorite language of all time and it’s the one, true universal language.
I’ve heard it said that all meeting is revelation, but I’ve never thought about what that means really. When you meet people on vacation you learn their names and where they are from and maybe some other small details of their lives, but you rarely learn who they really are nor does it feel like revelation. It’s not often you learn something new about yourself or your place in the world. But I think every meeting, no matter how minor, can reveal something new to us. Even someone we pass on the street—do we meet their eye and smile and say hello, or do we look away quickly so as not to have that millisecond of human connection? It’s all a revelation of who we are and how we are showing up in the world at that moment.
Back to the Metzlers: I’ve only shared a couple of follow up dinners with them so I only know what I’ve learned so far, and that is they are some of the most generous people I think I’ve ever met. And I don’t mean generous in terms of money, but generous of spirit. Of time. Of attention and curiosity. Of welcome. This is not normally what you experience from people you meet on vacation. At least not what has been normal for me. The Metzlers are kind. Kind seems like such a small word, but it is actually huge. Kindness might also be one of my favorite universal languages. Kindness is sacred. To me kindness is like compassion but more personal, more close up. Kindness is direct action. Kindness is being on the front lines of human interaction and going to battle for the good side, for the light. The Metzlers are the light and I am their biggest fan.
I’m back in solitary confinement writing away but now Alexandra texts me pictures of rainbows and beautiful views and tells me about great coffee shops to write in and amazing Thai restaurants to visit. And they invite me to join them which makes the solitary feel less solitary, and that’s a good thing. That’s a kind thing. And what I’ve learned, my own personal revelation from meeting the Metzlers, is that no matter where we are we need connection. We need friends. We need each other. Even us introverts—maybe especially us introverts.
I don’t know where Chris and Alexandra are going next, but if you are out in the world look for them—or look for people like them. You will see them glowing and sharing and laughing and in love. You will see their goodness and you will be better for it. You might be kinder. You might be more generous of time and spirit and attention. You might reach out to help a stranger. At the very least when you are out on your next walk and you are passing someone you don’t know, meet their eye and say hello. Offer up a smile if you are feeling daring. You never know who you are going to meet on any given day, on vacation or not, but I hope for you that the strangers you meet become friends.
I hope you meet the Metzlers.
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